death

You were there when I took my first breath. I was holding your hand when you took your last. I was there. You called me Saturday night. I said I love you. I should've came to see you. I wish I would've went to you then. Before the "comfort care". I stayed with you all day Sunday thru the "comfort care" . It didn't make you comfortable. Or us. It just knocked you out. Such pain. Agony. I am so sorry. I had to go home to my family. I had to leave you. They needed me. I needed them. I came back Monday morning. We shared stories while you went. We kissed you and rubbed you and tried to make you feel ok about your death. But were you really there? You sneaked thru a few times on Sunday and smiled at us, said you loved us. But in the end, I think you were already gone. You are one stubborn old lady, mom. I love you so much and wish your passing could've been the way you wanted it, at home. I'm sorry. You had everybody there with you. Dad, me, Lisa, Leslie, Joyce, Judy, Ernie, Anthony, and Marty called you and I held the phone to your ear so he could have some closure. I hope you heard him. He loves you. Wow. The tears are free and can't rein them in. All these feelings of loss, sadness, wish I would'ves and such. Hard to type thru the blur.