heart ache.....

Hey Mom, It's been almost 2 months since you died. Tomorrow actually. It hurts.
 Last weekend we took you to the coast to sprinkle you at the beach. Boy, does that sound weird.... John and me had Eddie in our car. Papa took all three girls and Ernie. Leslie, Eric, Anthony, and Cassie went in their car. We met Joyce, Bill and fam at Sunset beach.
Daddy let Joyce pick the spot. It was a nice spot but.....not the right one. It didn't feel right. You need to feel the sand between your toes and the waves beat your legs. Feel the spray of the sea on your face. We had to hike a long uphill trail to get there, John carrying Eddie and the diaper bag, and then when we get there, the cliff was surrounded by a fence. I'm not taking my kids out on a cliff. I could just feel you telling me not to do it. So me and my fam left. My heart was so broken. I didn't get to say good bye that day. Daddy didn't know we had left, he was in his own world. So sad. 

Daddy misses you so much.

He had to hold you one last time.

Leslie read the passage you picked out of your book "The Prophet"

    

      (pages 87 and 88 out of the book The Prophet)
      Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of Death.
      And he said:
      You would know the secret of death.
      But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
      The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
      If you would indeed behold the spirit of death,open your heart wide unto the body of life.
      For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
      In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
      And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
      Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
      Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shephard when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
      Is the shephard not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
      Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
      For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
      And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it   may rise and expand and seek God unemcumbered?
      Only when you drink from th eriver of silence shall you indeed sing.
      And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
      And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Bye Mom

So anyways........Daddy gave me the rest of your ashes and me and my family are going to take you over to the coast and have our own thing. I want to take you to the sand and the sea.
It was a beautiful day. Afterward, we all went to Horsfalls and played on the beach. Daddy got to fly his kites. We ended up having a long and fun day, despite my heartache.......